Fight for LoveLove at the LabForbidden Love etc
by squidgeey
Summary: basically it's a Shanny pairing because they belong together and i don't know how long it's going to be
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own CSI:NY much as I would dearly love to so I could write the story lines I want. I don't own any of the characters, but that Hill Harper….ooooooooo!_

_**Note: **__I can't write sex scenes because I'm an extremely innocent virgin.(snigger) and all the ideas I've got for the sex scenes come from other people's fanfics. Thank you people! Tell me if mine are rubbish won't you?_

"Oh god, oh god, Danny, please, faster, faster!" Danny obliged, pushing harder and deeper into his lover's body beneath him. He could feel himself reaching that moment of ecstasy and the two of them came together with a joint moan of joy. Danny collapsed onto the body beneath him, panting slightly. He ran his hands across the dark coloured chest and kissed it gently. His lover's hand rested on his shoulder, his chest rising up and down. Danny pulled out of Sheldon and lay next to him. All was silence while they caught their breath, then Danny's mobile went off. He groaned and turned over to hug Sheldon who pushed him away.

"Answer your cell Danny." Danny kissed his neck.

"It's probably not important." Sheldon pushed him away again.

"What if it is?" he asked gazing into Danny's eyes with his own brown ones. Danny sighed and Sheldon started to get of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"To answer your cell, since you're obviously not going to."

"Sheldon…." Danny rolled over to stare at the ceiling as Sheldon flicked open Danny's phone. There was a pause, then Sheldon spoke softly.

"It's Lindsay." Danny's heart skipped a beat. Dammit. His phone landed on his chest. "Aren't you going to call her back?" Danny glanced at his lover, who refused to look at him. "You didn't tell her did you?" Danny sat up.

"I was going to, I am going to," he started. "She'll blow her top!" Sheldon pulled on his jeans.

"You should have thought of that before you took up with me, shouldn't you?" Danny was silent, twisting his phone in his hands. Sheldon sat on the edge of the bed with his back to Danny. "look, you don't have to tell her about us, but please Danny, can't you at least break up with her?" here Sheldon turned and gazed pleadingly at Danny, who already felt guilty enough without Sheldon turning his beautiful eyes on him like that. But after a short moment Sheldon looked away and spoke again, his voice bearing just a hint of tears in it. "I don't want to just be your bit on the side Danny." He whispered. "You mean so much more to me than that, and I thought I meant more to you." Danny immediately moved and wrapped his arms around Sheldon's slim waist and kissed his neck once more.

"You have no idea how much you really mean to me." He whispered fiercely. "It's just…no one knows I'm gay…I…kinda wanna keep it that way." Sheldon turned abruptly. Damn those gorgeous eyes of his.

"Why? Because of your parents?" Danny looked at the floor.

"You know I'm with Lindsay to convince my parents that I'm not gay. The way they see it…they think homosexuality is disgusting, they'd shoot me." Sheldon sighed and rested is head against Danny's.

"Maybe they'll see it differently seeing as it's you." Danny got up.

"You kidding me??" he asked angrily. "You don't know my parents Sheldon, they prefer Louie way more than me. I'm just a mistake. If I tell them I get kicked out of the family, and then what? They probably wouldn't let me visit Louie in hospital, I'd be truly on my own then." He put his face in his hands then felt Sheldon's gentle touch on his back.

"Completely on your own?" Danny sighed and leant back into Sheldon, resting his head just under Sheldon's. He took Sheldon's hand in his, loving the difference in their skin tones.

"Don't leave me Sheldon." Sheldon kissed Danny's forehead and stroked his cheek, then rested his head against Danny's.

"Couldn't if I wanted to." He replied.


	2. Chapter 2

_Yo peeps! Sozza haven't updated for ages, by the by is the first chapter worth an M rating? Cause this one won't be, (sozza). Thnks for the supporting reviews you've given me, I owe yo guys! Love the author. Xxx ;)_

_PS: still don't own CSI:NY dammit that hill harper is so gorgeous!_

_PPS: don't own Cher's Shoop Shoop song either, but I __respect__ that lady!_

Danny's alarm went off at seven thirty. He groaned and turned over to put his arm around Sheldon, but all he felt was the bed sheets, he sat up quickly. Sheldon was gone. In annoyance Danny picked up his alarm clock and threw it across the room which stopped the beeping all right, but now he was going to have to buy another one. Dammit. He scanned the room hastily amid the mess that held reign over his floor, hoping to see a note. Sheldon always left a note for him. _Gone to work, sorry sweetheart, last night was great, see you later, love Sambo xxx. _Normally, but there wasn't one this time. Danny rubbed his hands through his dirty blonde hair as he sat on the edge of the bed. He tried to convince himself he was thinking but the reality was he was falling asleep again. Eventually though he made it up and dressed and wandered into the kitchen staring around the room to catch sight of any small scrap of paper Sheldon might have left for him. Zilch. With the encouraging thought that Sheldon now hated him Danny left for work.

"You're late Messer." Danny winced at the sound of Mac's deep voice and slowly turned around to face his doom. Mac raised his eyebrows at him. "Is there an apology?"

"I'm sorry Mac" Danny immediately began forging his excuse. "It was just that I didn't sleep well last night, you know I think I've still got the flu…" he trailed off as he saw Mac unable to repress a laugh. "What?" Mac struggled to contain his smile.

"Nothing." Stella appeared behind him.

"Did you get him?" she asked.

"Hook line and sinker." Mac replied. It was then that the date dawned on Danny.

"Oh April fool, right yeah, funny Mac, truly hilarious."

"You believed me." Mac pointed out. Danny squirmed.

"No, yeah well, I didn't really, I was just…um…playing along."

"Keep dreaming Messer." Stella quipped as she and Mac walked off. Danny scowled after them then headed off to the locker room.

And immediately wished he hadn't as Lindsay Monroe was standing there, but before he had a chance to wheel around and back out again she started at him.

"So what happened to you last night?" he turned gingerly. She was wearing that really annoying hurt/angry expression whenever she was trying to get sympathy or guilt out of him. "I waited for _hours _Danny." Now she was doing the crocidile tears. "Where were you? If you were working you could have said--"

"Yeah that's right I was working last night," Danny said it before he could stop himself. Then he made it worse by continuing the lie. "I'm sorry Lindsay, I should have told you, I won't do it again, I promise. I was just swamped last night." Lindsay's expression softened.

"While maybe if you actually did your paperwork on time you wouldn't be swamped with it and have to miss a date with me." She chided gently. She smiled and moved towards him, taking hold of the front of his jacket before Danny could move and kissed him. Danny had to admit he had never been over fond of kissing Lindsay, but since he had been with Sheldon he could barely bring himself to kiss Lindsay, not only because he felt like he was betraying Sheldon but also because, it kinda felt gross, unnatural, plus he was always afraid she would find him out. Like Cher said; _if you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss. _Too true, Cher, too true.

Eventually the ordeal was over and Lindsay pulled back and smiled at him.

"Are you ok?" she asked her concerned face coming on.

"Yeah I'm fine," Danny replied. "just tired." Lindsay wagged a finger at him.

"See you shouldn't leave your work til the last minute should you? You can be so dumb sometimes Messer." She was about to lean in for another kiss, lips pursed up like a sucker fish and everything when Danny was saved, but also doomed by a certain voice.

"You were working last night?" Lindsay looked around Danny who had his back to the door.

"Oh hi Hawkes." She said. Danny glanced over his shoulder and his heart sunk at Sheldon's expression. Mad, but not showing it, hurt, but keeping it to himself. Dammit. Lindsay however chattered on, oblivious, obviously. "yeah Danny left his paperwork undone so he had to stay here to finish it."

"Again?" Sheldon wasn't letting anything show in his soft voice. "Really Danny? _Again?_" Danny closed his eyes in despair, knowing what Sheldon wanted him to say. He turned so he could see both Sheldon and Lindsay. Big mistake. Sheldon's brown eyes were watching him intently, while Lindsay was smiling up at him. Just say it for Sheldon. Danny opened his mouth.

"Yeah," he replied. "Again." The minute he said those words he wished he hadn't. Sheldon wouldn't look at him.

"Oh." The African just went over to his locker. Lindsay patted Danny's arm.

"I'll see you around." She smiled then left. Danny wished she hadn't. as soon as the door shut there was a silence so painful it hurt to move. Danny tried to will himself over to his lover, to hug him, kiss him, tell him that he was sorry and he would try again. But he couldn't. He was rooted to the spot with guilt. Sheldon shut his locker door and started to leave still without looking at Danny, and the realisation of how much he was hurting Sheldon unstuck Danny's feet. Just as Sheldon walked past him he grabbed him around the waist and tried o pull him close.

"Let go of me." Sheldon struggled in Danny's arms, but Danny wouldn't let go.

"Sheldon, listen to me, 'm sorry ok? I'll tell her at some point today, I promise, I promise I will." Sheldon stopped twisting but still wouldn't meet Danny's blue eyes.

"You've been promising me that every week for the past month and half. If this is the way our relationship is going to be then--" Danny couldn't let him finish that sentence.

"I'll do it this time, I swear. I'm sorry, it's automatic."

"So switch automatic off." Sheldon pushed Danny away from him, his beautiful brown eyes gazing at Danny with anguish. "I don't want to be an afterthought." Danny put his hands on Sheldon's hips to pull him closer but Sheldon resisted him.

"You're not the afterthought," Danny exclaimed passionately. "Lindsay's the afterthought--"

"And that's not fair on her!" there was a pause where they just stared at one another, then Danny released Sheldon and took a step back.

"I can't please you, can I?" Sheldon's rate of breathing had increased, and he shook his head.

"I want it to be just us Danny," he whispered. "You don't have to tell your parents, just please," he raised his eyes to Danny's once more, "please break up with Lindsay. It's not fair on her, you're just using her. You can't do that to a person." Danny's heart was breaking at the sight of Sheldon pleading on Lindsay's behalf. Why did he always have to think of everyone else before himself? Why did he have to be so perfect? Danny looked at his feet then stepped forwards and pulled Sheldon into his arms. He felt Sheldon slip his own arms around Danny's waist and pull him closer. Danny stroked Sheldon's warm brown neck, feeling the pulse beneath his fingers and pressing there slightly. Sheldon's cheek was soft against his own, his breath warm and reassuring on Danny's throat. Danny turned his head a little and pressed his lips to Sheldon's cheek bone. Sheldon moved his hands from Danny's back to slide up his shirt and cup Danny's face. Danny touched his lover's lips with his thumb, soft and full, then took Sheldon's chin in his hand and pulled him forwards to kiss, gently, his tongue stroking Sheldon's top lip. He held Sheldon tightly around his waist as Sheldon wrapped his arms around Danny's neck, deepening the kiss. When they broke apart Danny kissed Sheldon's hands and held them to his heart.

"I'll break up with her." He whispered. "and I'll tell her the truth, I promise you Sheldon, I mean it." He rested his forehead against Sheldon's and spoke the words Sheldon was longing to hear. "I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

_Yo peeps! No one answered my q, is the first chap definitely an M rating? Thx to the people who reviewed, and this chap is especially for the very first person who reviewed this fic, I think I'm answering your request! Love you! Xxxx_

_p.s don't own the song_

All day Danny tried to think of how he was going to let Lindsay down, Sheldon didn't say anymore on the matter. He almost did, when they were alone in the lab, and he almost told her when they were alone in the locker room again, but the fact that he had kept his sexuality so secret from all his friends meant that now he had an automatic block whenever he came close to telling someone the truth, and a lie came out instead. He hated himself. It got even worse when Sheldon refused to have dinner with Danny that night.

"Please Sheldon, I'm going to tell her, I promise." Sheldon just shook his head.

"I have work Danny, which is the truth, a word that doesn't seem to exist in your dictionary." Danny hung his head in shame. Sheldon picked up his work. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok." Danny raised his head as Sheldon was leaving the room. "Don't turn into Mac." His boyfriend gave the briefest of smiles and then left, the glass door clicking into place behind him.

It was a miserable evening. It would have to be raining.

_Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was seventeen? Why does it always rain on me?_

Danny scowled at the car form where the music was blaring out of. A couple. Typical. He'd been lying all his life. _That's right God, _thought Danny, _rub it in my face why don't you? Lousy beardy man up in the sky. _He kicked a puddle, (Danny, not God) and was rewarded with soaking trousers and shoes that he had to squelch home in. needless to say he was not a happy bunny, but as he sat at home all alone he knew it was all his fault and that really he should just pick up the phone and tell Lindsay. But then he would be accused of being cowardly. But if he asked her to meet him somewhere, then what? He'd chicken out, and end up having a date with her, which really was the last thing he wanted to do. He went to bed with an empty stomach and a full head. Only to be woken at five by his phone beeping. A CSI's job is never done.

"Danny you're late." Danny stuck two fingers in Flack's direction. "I mean it this time." His friend warned. Danny shook his head.

"You gonna lecture me all day or tell me what I'm doing here at half past five in the frickin' morning?" Flack indicated the building in front of them.

"Super had a number of complaints this morning about some noise upstairs, when he opened the tenant's door he found two dead people and a bomb."

"And a bomb?" Danny's eyes widened. "The others aren't in there are they?" Flack smiled.

"Don't worry Messer, everyone who lives in the building has been evacuated but the bomb's a timer bomb, when it was found it had ten minutes left to go. Bomb squad can't deactivate it-"

"When can the bomb squad ever do anything right?"

"- it's got some kind of electronic lock so the others are working their asses off to collect all the evidence they can get before they get the signal to clear the building and the bomb'll go off."

Danny stared at Flack for a minute.

"So what am I supposed to do?" he snapped. Flack grinned at his friend's inability to be nice in the morning.

"Document the outside. A siren will go off when you have to return to the front of building behind the tape." Danny huffed.

"Fine." He strode off angrily muttering to himself.

He worked as quickly and as thoroughly as possible in the short amount of time that he had and as soon as the siren went returned to the front of the building with the others.

"Did you get everything?" Mac asked.

"As much as I could." Danny replied removing his camera from around his neck.

"Is everyone out?" the bomb squad leader appeared around the side of a van.

"I think so," said Lindsay carelessly glancing around.

"Where's Hawkes?" asked Stella. Danny's heart skipped a beat. He looked all around like the other CSIs but Sheldon was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh god, he said he just wanted to check something quickly." Lindsay clapped her hands to her mouth. Mac turned to the bomb squad leader.

"We have to get him." The leader shook his head.

"We can't, I'm sorry there isn't enough time."

"There has to be something we can do!" Mac yelled. "One of my CSIs is going to die in there!" Until then Danny had been frozen with horror but as soon as Mac said the word 'die' Danny leapt forwards intending to rescue his lover from almost certain death. But somebody grabbed him around the waist.

"No!" Danny shouted with all his might. "No, let me go I have to save him, I have to, let me go!" Stella hauled Danny as far away from the tape as possible.

"Danny, Danny listen to me!" she begged. All around them people were preparing for the explosion. Danny shook his head, this couldn't be happening, Sheldon was going to be ok, he was going to come running out of that building any minute now. He willed it to happen. Stella shook him. "There's a chance he'll make it out Danny, I promise you! But there's no use you trying to kill yourself too--" and then the bomb went off.

_Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Danny could see every tiny particle of debris floating past his eyes. He could see the building bursting and shooting out splinters of wood, iron as though it was trying to kill them all. He thought he heard someone scream, he thought he heard someone crying, begging for help, in pain. It wasn't until Mac grabbed around his chest and held him close that Danny realised that he was the one who was screaming. He was the one in pain, he was the one whose heart was breaking just like the building before him. He couldn't believe what was happening. Why did they have to argue? Why couldn't he have got here on time? Why couldn't he just brave Lindsay and his parents? All these questions whirling in his head only caused a dull sensation, the realisation that he had lost something so precious, something that could never be replaced, and it was all his fault._

The world returned to normal speed and Danny sank in Mac's arms sobbing his broken heart out. Mac just held him close, and it felt like Mac understood, but that was impossible. No one at the crime lab knew about Danny and Sheldon, except maybe Don. Either way, it didn't matter anymore.

Once the debris had settled and the building was a pile of rubble people sprang back into action. The firemen put out fires that had started, the ambulance crew were tending to the people who had received injuries from the blast but Danny didn't see any of this. Blinded as he was by tears he still stood and stared at the mess of metal, wood and plaster, hoping, just hoping. _Oh god, I've never really believed in you before but if you bring him back I'll pray every day, I swear, just bring him back, please. _Danny made all sorts of crazy promises in his head while watching the rubble. His eyes stung. The rubble was moving, a black shape was appearing through the sawdust choked air, stumbling. No he had to be imagining this. He closed his eyes and shook his head, but then he heard Stella say to Mac;

"Mac, is it me, or is there somebody walking out of there?" Danny's head snapped up immediately to take a better look. It had to be. It had to be. Danny's heart started beating again, fast enough for him to run from where he had collapsed on the pavement, across the road and under the tape towards the stumbling figure. And then the figure started running for him. It was Sheldon. Danny increased his speed as they came ever closer then finally he wrapped his arms around Sheldon and hugged him tightly, burying his head in his lover's shoulder unable to stop the tears from flowing. Sheldon clutched the back of Danny's jacket, shaking from the blast.

"Danny…" he whispered. Danny kissed Sheldon's neck repeatedly.

"Oh god, I thought I'd lost you!" Danny could barely breathe. "Sheldon I'm so sorry, oh god, thank god, thank god! What would I have done without you?"

"Danny…" Sheldon sounded weak, then Danny felt the African's hands lose their grip and his legs buckle and give way. Danny fell to his knees and patted Sheldon's cheek.

"Sheldon…Sheldon wake up…" Danny quickly put his ear to Sheldon's chest. His heart was still beating. Still alive, he was unconscious. Danny gazed at Sheldon's face briefly, he looked asleep, except for the deep gashes and burns that covered his forehead and cheek. Danny cradled him in his arms as the others came running up.

"Messer, "Don sounded confused. "What's going on?"

"Sheldon…" was that Stella or Lindsay? Danny couldn't see them, it didn't matter. Then he felt strong arms sliding under Sheldon's body. Danny couldn't prevent a cry escaping from his lips.

"Danny let me take him." Mac's reassuring grip steadied Danny, and Danny glanced through his tears into his boss's face. Mac smiled gently at him. "Let me take him." Slowly, Danny released his hold on the light of his life and Mac picked Sheldon up carefully as though he weighed nothing. Danny scrambled up and supported Sheldon's head as they walked back to the ambulances.

_Ha! You like? Please like. I like. Leastways it's kinda ok. Thx ppl! xxxxx_


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you my lovely reviewers for reviewing me! I've updated much much quicker this time, please enjoy! Xxxxx ****J**

…_the world is sliding in and out of focus….someone's crying….screaming…someone's holding my hand and talking to me in a muffled voice…the world is rocking…it goes black then suddenly white…..I seemed to be moving fast somewhere…was this it?…I want to think of my family….but somebody else's face keeps sliding into view…they were the one who was crying…why were they crying?…who were they?….there's a pain in my chest .… beeping…someone shouting……….where was he?……._

They seemed to take forever. The hospital staff. Didn't they realise that there was someone out here that needed to be in there? Didn't they understand that Danny had to be there to hold Sheldon's hand, talk to him, stroke his forehead? Danny couldn't keep still, it was driving Mac crazy but Danny walked up and down the white corridor, round and round, jumping every time he heard a door open, rushing towards whoever came out of that door, hoping for some news of Sheldon. Mac's nerves were wearing fine. He grabbed Danny and sat him down forcefully as he wheeled around.

"Sit still," he ordered. "and don't say anything." Danny sat, but his leg jiggled up and down, he bit his lip, he twisted his fingers in his hands and eventually he had no choice but to get up and start walking again as though he would burst if he sat still any longer.

"Danny," this time Don grabbed him. "Stop it, you're making us all dizzy."

"I have to see him, "Danny muttered. "I have to be with him."

"His parents are going to be here any minute now, you don't want to be in their way." Danny shrugged Don off him angrily.

"They don't love him as much as I do." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He looked around, they were all watching him, waiting to see what he would say next. Danny eyes rested on Lindsay's face, his only chance to keep his parents liking him. That, or possibly lose Sheldon forever. What was he going to say? "As a friend." He backtracked. "As a friend, I mean…we've got to know each other better, I said I'd look out for him since what happened in the river, you know, and he promised he'd do the same for me." Lindsay didn't look totally convinced, but she smiled slightly and came over to him. _Dammit._

…_the pain in my chest gets worse…I can't breathe….there are people standing over me…I don' know who they are….are they talking to me or someone else?….where am I?…..why does my heart hurt so much?……where am I…..who am I…..?_

The hours seemed to crawl by. Sheldon's family arrived in tears and were allowed down to see him. Danny sat seething, Lindsay next to him, hugging his arm, gazing up at him every now and then. Danny couldn't take the guilt anymore and under the pretence of needing air he slipped downstairs and sat in the waiting area. He wasn't there long when Mac appeared around the corner and sat with him. Danny waited for him to say something. Did he know? How? He wanted Mac to tell him off and yet he didn't want Mac to know that he and Sheldon were together. After what felt like hours of silence Mac finally spoke.

"Seems disrespectful." Danny glanced sideways at Mac. It was like his boss was carrying on a previous conversation. There was a pause, then Mac looked Danny in the eye. "Still swearing that you two are only friends, when he may be dying just along the corridor." Danny swallowed.

"You don't know my parents." He whispered.

"No," Mac replied. "But I know you. You don't take the crap from anyone, me, Don, some criminal you pick up off the street, yet you bend over backwards to please your parents, and all the time you can't seem to see just how much you're hurting the person you claim to love so much." Danny was silent for a while.

"how do you know?" he asked hoarsely.

"Sheldon told me. He felt he didn't know you enough to understand why you're carrying on with Lindsay when you know how he feels. So he asked me what he should do. I told him to get the hell out. That as long as you know he's always going to be waiting for you, ready to take you back you won't stop lying to him, to your parents, to Lindsay, to us."

"That's not true."

"No?" Mac raised his eyebrows at Danny. "then you've got to prove that." He got up and as he was leaving turned. "The only person who thinks that you and Sheldon aren't together, is the person who would refuse to believe that if you told her." Danny raised his head, but only saw the collar of Mac's shirt, he was too ashamed to look Mac in the eye. "You have to make the right decision Danny. Something you're incapable of doing." Mac turned on his heel and left Danny sitting by himself with tears running down his cheeks.

…_.the pain gets worse and worse….like someone's tugging my heart…let go…let go…. ……please…. you're hurting me…._


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello peeps I'm back again! Sorry this one's so short, hop you're still enjoying! Thank you all you lovely people who have reviewed and thank you anyone who has read an not reviwed, either way I'm happy! And you want to keep me happy! _

_Love ya! xxxxx_

I tried to open my eyes, the light was blinding. People were standing around me, whispering. Someone was crying again. They kept talking about somebody, a woman kept moaning.

"My boy, my poor little boy! God help him!"

"Mum, mum, calm down, he's going to be ok, the doctors said he's strong, they said he'd recover quickly." A man's voice, deep, I didn't recognise it but I must have twitched or something because another man said;

"He's waking up! See mum, he's going to be ok!" I realised I was going to have to open my eyes now. I just wanted them to go away. But reluctantly I let my eyelids slide open and I gazed around the room. A hospital room. I frowned. I didn't recognise anyone around me, they were all African. There was an older woman with tear streaks down her cheeks, I guessed she was 'mum', there was an old man whose dark hair was turning white, he was tall and fierce but looked concerned, another man, younger this time but the same height with a beard and a small afro, a shorter woman with her hair scraped back tightly into a bun at the base of her neck in a grey suit. I turned my head to my right, where the mum was sitting, closer to me was a man my age with a beard and shaved head, big brown eyes gazing at me worriedly. He was clutching my right hand tightly in his, watching me. His right eyebrow was pierced, the left side of his nose was pierced, the right side of his top lip was pierced and he had tattoos all the way up his arms. One of them said "Gemini All The Way". I assumed whoever this guy was was a Gemini, though why you'd want that up your arm I couldn't understand.

"Sheldon?" he was talking to me. "Sheldon are you ok? You look confused." I stared at him a while longer. Of course I was confused, he was talking to me like he'd known me all his life!

"Where am I?" I asked, even though I knew perfectly well.

"Hospital, son." Said the old man, leaning forwards to stoke my head. I automatically backed away. "Sheldon, what's the matter?"

"Why do you keep calling me Sheldon?" I asked. They all looked confused, then worried. The girl leant forwards.

"Because that's your name." she said slowly like I was dumb. "remember? You're Sheldon Hawkes, the youngest of four, you have a twin called Michael, you work at the crime lab…" she trailed off, as if hoping that I was going to say, hah! Got you or something. I just stared at her. I didn't remember any of that. Then when I came to think about I didn't know who I was at all. So that was it. I had to pretend to be Sheldon Hawkes. Keep these people happy.

"Sheldon we're your family!" the other woman was crying again. In despair she turned the others. "He doesn't remember, why doesn't he remember?" the others crowded around her except for the one sitting right next to me, smiling slightly.

"Come on Sheldon." He said. His smile was strained. "Stop playing a game, that's what I do remember? I'm the mean one, you're the nice one. Look, mum's in hysterics." He gazed at me and I stared back steadily. He looked so disappointed and I felt guilty that I was making them all so unhappy, but I didn't remember any of them. I shrugged.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't know who you are." 


	6. Not A Chapter

Okey dokey, because i haven't written anything on this for so long csi ny has moved on quite a bit, and the next chapter would have spoilers for season 5 so i'm still up to date, so if you don't want me to do that say, hence this note instead of a new chapter


	7. Chapter 7

_Yo peeps I'm going to carry on this story as it was originally going to be but look out for my next one, _**Unexpected** _which will have season five spoilers. Thank you! xxx_

It was hard the next week or so. Despite the fact that I was almost completely well enough to go home, I couldn't remember where my home was and I couldn't stay with my 'family' because I didn't know them. I'd been told I'd lost my memory, that I was inside a building when it blew up, but I didn't remember any of it. It got worse when these people who were supposed to be my friends from where I work came to visit me. For me it was the first time I'd seen them. I hated seeing the looks of disappoint on their faces, wished I could remember them for their sakes, but try as I might I just couldn't. I couldn't remember anything except from the point when I'd first woken up.

But they kept mentioning Danny. My family and my friends. They kept saying how sorry they were that he wasn't coming, that he hadn't been the same since what had happened to me, especially since he found out that I'd lost my memory. After they'd gone his name would go round and round my head. It was so familiar, but then Danny's a common name. But Danny Messer? I must know him. It was driving me crazy, but there was something about him, even though we'd never met.

There was someone else, a girl who would come in every now and then, talking non-stop about 'him' whoever 'him' was, saying how much she loved him, how she couldn't understand why he'd done this to her, and why couldn't I remember? When I did would I be sorry? All I could do was sit and listen. I had no idea what she was talking about, and yet I wanted to help her. Eventually I was taken home by my family. I realised that they had to be my family when I saw that Michael looked exactly the same as me. I felt awful. I couldn't even remember my own twin brother. But I tried, god knows I tried.

Two months went past. Although I couldn't remember my past, everything I'd ever been taught at high school, or college was still there. I knew how to process a crime scene, I could perform an autopsy or an emergency surgery, but I couldn't remember the people in my life. I met them, several times over. Their names swam in my head; Adam Sullivan, Don Flack, Sid Hammerback, Stella Bonasera, Lindsay Monro, Mac Taylor, Chief…Lindsey, that girl who complained about her boyfriend all the time. Mac had me come into the lab to do a test, to make sure I wouldn't screw up any crime scene. I passed. I rejoined the lab. The most awkward thing I have ever done. People would tell me a story, expecting me to remember, and I would have to explain something that I don't even remember myself. And somehow, I never saw Danny Messer. I kept expecting to have someone re-introduce him to me, but no one did. Then one day I mentioned his name to Stella.

"Danny Messer? Haven't you seen him?" I shook my head.

"Not yet no." she looked confused.

"How strange. He said he'd…" she trailed off. I ventured another question.

"Who is he?" her expression changed to one of pity.

"He's your boyfriend Sheldon."

That night I couldn't sleep. I stared at the unfamiliar ceiling, wondering why no one had said that before, why he'd never visited me in hospital, why he was avoiding me now. That last question wasn't so hard to answer; I asked myself how I'd feel if it had been me in his place. It must hurt to not be recognised by your own boyfriend. And although Stella had said it quite plainly to me, there was an edge in her voice, something that suggested something else had happened. It made me nervous. I didn't dare ask anyone else about him. I searched and searched my apartment, my parents' house, my siblings' apartments, my desk, Mac's desk, anyone's desk for a picture of Danny Messer, or a hint as to where he was. All to no avail.

Where was he?


	8. Chapter 8

I walked into Mac's office, my curiosity finally getting the better of me. He looked up as I entered, tired, pale, thin.

"Hi."

"Hi, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sat down opposite him. There was a pause while I gathered my thoughts and my courage. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, go ahead."

"Does Danny Messer know I'm here?" Mac's eyes closed briefly, and he looked away from me. I twisted my fingers. Finally he returned his gaze to me.

"Yes," he said slowly. There was another pause.

"I haven't seen him around," I ventured.

"Sheldon," Mac looked stumped for words. "I…." he rubbed his forehead. Finally he looked at me and whispered. "Danny's in hospital." I was silent. I was shocked. Why? Because of me? What had happened? Danny! I swallowed.

"Why? What happened to him?" Mac's eyes flicked downwards again. He took a breath.

"He's dying, Sheldon." My heart stopped. I didn't even know this man, I didn't remember what he looked like, what he was like, nothing. And yet I felt those three words Mac had spoken signing my death sentence.

"Why…"I stumbled, "Why is he dying?" Mac finally looked at me properly.

"It's a long story. You don't remember it all, but you and Danny are the only two people who know it." I wanted to hit him. I wanted to make him tell me everything and not give me some cryptic answer like that. He leant back. "He was attacked. He was beaten mercilessly." Mac's jaw tightened. "He's been slowly losing blood for the past month. He's in agony…" Mac bit his lip and stared out of the window. I couldn't breathe.

…_the world is sliding in and out of focus….someone's crying….screaming…someone's holding my hand and talking to me in a muffled voice…the world is rocking…it goes black then suddenly white………………somebody's face keeps sliding into view…they were the one who was crying…why were they crying?…who are they?….there's a pain in my chest………. .……someone shouting……….where is he?…….…the pain in my chest gets worse…I can't breathe………………..where am I?…..why does my heart hurt so much?……where am I…....?………….the pain gets worse and worse….like someone's tugging my heart…let go…let go…. ……please…. you're hurting me…………_

I opened my eyes. There he was, standing above me, his beautiful brown eyes gazing at me with concern. No, no, I don't want him here, I don't want to die with the pain of my boyfriend not knowing me, even though I know I deserve this, this punishment, Sheldon will never know me again, I'll die before he ever remembers, I love him so much, don't….don't….

No….don't speak….I don't want to hear your beautiful voice asking me who I am, why I'm dying…why I love you….

Sheldon leant over Danny and touched his hair gently. A tear fell from his eye onto Danny's cheek. Danny gasped.

"Please don't Sheldon…" Sheldon fell on the bed and buried his face into Danny's hair, the smell, the feel, the sight, all of it bringing images back to him, images he couldn't cope with. _Glass shattering, Lindsay kissing Danny, Danny kissing him, being carried to an ambulance, in Danny's arms in bed, in Danny's arms while bleeding…._He felt Danny shake beneath him.

"Please, Sheldon go. I know you don't remember me…"

"I remember you Danny." There was a silence. Sheldon slowly raised his head and gazed into Danny's tear-filled eyes. Then he became calm. "Why didn't you come to see me Danny? If you had done I may have remembered everything sooner." Danny closed his eyes, his face tense.

"But what if you hadn't?"

"But I do now. I love you Danny. I love you. Don't die, please, don't die."

_Sorry these are quite short chapters…hmm…too short maybe…_


	9. Chapter 9

_P.S I have no idea how the American court system works. Or the English one, or any other one for that matter. And I'm also not a doctor. And I'm sorry about the language._

All eyes were on him, that man standing in the dock ready to defend himself against the crime he had, without a doubt, committed. He began his story.

"There's this knock on the door right, and I say Alice, go open it-"

"And for the benefit of the court, who is Alice?"

"My wife."

"Continue."

"So Alice goes to open the door-"

"Where were you?

"In the living room watching TV. Then all of a sudden I hear Alice scream. So I get to the door and there's Alice holding up our kid, and he's all covered in blood and bruises, can't focus. So I take him off her and carry him into the living room, I put him on the couch, and I say, Alice go get a bowl of water and a towel. I try to wake him up and he says to me, Dad, I'm so sorry. I say what? What Danny? What are you sorry for? And he says to me, for being who I am. If I wasn't gay I wouldn't have ended up like this. Alice comes back with the water and I call 911."

"Is that it?"

"I swear to you, that's what happened." The prosecution raised his eyebrows.

"So you claim that Danny Messer, your son, was beaten up in the street for being gay and came to you for help." The man chewed some gum.

"Yeah." The prosecution turned to the audience.

"Can you explain then, Mr Messer, why your son would claim that you attacked him when he told you and Mrs Messer that he was in love with a man?" Tony Messer shrugged.

"I have no idea." He leant forwards. "But I'm hurt by it, me and Alice, we're hurt." The prosecution's eyebrows went further up his forehead.

"I'm sure." He turned back. "Mr Messer, your spit was found on Danny Messer's clothing, as was your blood. Your fist print was also matched to the bruises found on Danny Messer's body." The man chewed gum. The prosecution continued. "Your neighbours say they heard shouting, phrases such as, and I quote, "I won't have a lazy fucking faggot as my son." and, "Take that you disgusting piece of shit." They also report that they heard crying, pleading and screaming, as well as the sound of things breaking. A great deal of things were broken in your apartment Mr Messer. And your wife has refused to testify, and so I have heard, sent you divorce papers." The man chewed. The prosecution came close to the defendant. "You, Mr Messer, are the reason why your own flesh and blood is dying from internal bleeding in the hospital right this minute." The two men held dangerous eye contact. "I intend to see you put away for at least thirty years." The prosecution turned to the judge. "No further questions your Honour."

_In the hospital two young men were lying side by side, one in physical pain, the other in mental pain. They clutched each others hands, foreheads together, tears running simultaneously down their cheeks, not a word._

"The jury have reached their verdict."

_Fingers clenched._

"We the jury…"

_Eyes squeezed shut._

"…find the defendant Tony Messer…"

_Bodies close as can be._

"…guilty…"

_The last tear falls._

"…of abusing his son…"

_The last kiss._

"Danny Messer."

_Two broken hearts._

Finito mes amies! i feel i should apologise for how this story ended up. That's what happens when you leave something for a long time. I made myself cry. Wow, I never realised how egotistical I am. Thank you all you lovely people and look out for my new one! xxx


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